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Love Is A Heroe's Journey: Single, Dating, And Looking For Love
by Tonja Weimer
Dating, being single, and searching for love is a Heroe's Journey. Your journey is your story. Stories tell others who you are; they help you reconstruct what has happened in the past; and they help you make sense of your experiences. If you are not aware of your stories, however, and how you weave your attitude into your life's events, your stories may be telling a lot more about you than you realize.
To be single and to date requires you to share about yourself. If you hear yourself saying, "There's no one out there," and, "I'll never find anyone I really want," these statements reveal that you have listened to your doubts and have become stuck, thinking love is hopeless. However, we have the power to change our story. In fact, each of us has the potential to live a unique and even inspirational story.
Joseph Campbell articulated the heroe's journey in his book of mythology, The Hero With A Thousand Faces, in 1949. When George Lucas wrote Star Wars, he relied on Campbell's blueprint, which he had read when he was in college, and which he used to craft his epic movie.
Here is an abbreviated version of The Heroe's Journey and how it applies to singles, dating, and finding your love. Everyone of us lives out this journey in one way or another.
THE CALL
Single, dating, and looking for love, every hero (you) hears the call. At first, you may resist it, but you are forced to deal with it. You are pulled from the known (life as you've known it) and you set out on a compelling quest (to find your true love). This call could have come from any number of events: the death of a loved one, a birthday, a job transfer, a divorce, an interesting speaker, an article, or a realization that your life doesn't work for you anymore. Something shifts in your world and you know you have to change.
THE THRESHOLD
As a courageous single, you cross a threshold where you leap or fall into a different universe. You set out on your way to find what your soul knows it must have. At times this search feels dangerous (getting your heart broken), rambling (there are no exact road maps), lost (the territory is bewildering), and confusing (there are SO many different messages).
Along the way, the hero (you) encounters mentors, friends, and teachers. You also have to pay attention to the tempters (who tempt you to settle for less), and to the people who distract you (who do not want you to change), and the people who dismiss your sincere search ("Do you REALLY think you are going to find true love?").
THE CHALLENGES
Being single, you are committed to your search. You meet people, put yourself out there, and start to date. Soon, you come upon trials and tests, which you pass, and which gives you the confidence to continue. (You start to be social and successful.) Your journey inevitably comes to an enormous obstacle.
THE ABYSS
You do everything in your power to conquer what happens next, (fear of losing your new romantic interest) and are sure that you will be triumphant...but alas... you may fail. (You thought you had found THE ONE only to discover that this person wasn't "it".)
This is where many people give up and head back to square one. ("See! I told you! Someone hurt me again.") But as the hero, you rest, heal your wounds, AND, get up and try again. And again. And again. Until you succeed.
THE TRANSFORMATION
As a brave single, you learn that great lessons never come easy, that you had to do it yourself, and yet you couldn't do it alone. In the process of this growth and change, you are scarred. In time, you find the object of your search--which may or may not look like what you thought you were looking for originally. If you persevere, your journey gives you character and depth and love deeper than you could have imagined.
THE ATONEMENT
This comes after you have been transformed. You find a certain peace and incorporate the lessons and wisdom learned into your life. You no longer feel the imbalance that caused you to start out alone in the first place. Your compelling longing has been met.
However, there will be another CALL someday (work challenges, family, community) and the lessons learned in this journey will support you.
THE RETURN
Eventually, you return to those in your life and share your story. This is your gift. Your journey helps others accomplish theirs.
If you are single and dating, is it time for you to claim the hero within? Love is waiting for you.
About the Author
Visit tonjaweimer.com or singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer.
Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)
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MILEY CYRUS TALKS ABOUT NICK JONAS
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MILEY CYRUS TALKS ABOUT HER RELATIONSHIP WITH NICK JONAS AND HOW SHE FELT ABOUT THE BREAK UP
In the words of that classic ditty, "young love, first love, filled with true devotion," or, in the case of Miley Cyrus, filled with hair dye, weeks of weeping and emotional confessions in a national magazine.
In an interview with Seventeen that she will probably look back on one day soon and cringe (a lot), the Disney powerhouse, 15, reveals all about her heretofore-unconfirmed romance with fellow teen idol Nick Jonas, 15.
"Nick and I loved each other," says Miley. "We still do, but we were in love with each other. For two years, he was basically my 24/7. But it was really hard to keep it from people. We were arguing a lot, and it really wasn't fun." According to the toothy starlet, "We became boyfriend and girlfriend the day we met. He was on a quest to meet me, and he was, like, 'I think you're beautiful and I really like you.' And I was, like, 'Oh, my gosh, I like you so much.'"
But their auspicious, hero's journey-like beginning didn't lead to a fairytale ending; they broke up at the end of 2007, a split that sent Cyrus' mood and mane into confusion.
"At first I bawled for a month straight. I was so sad. I just went into this weird funk," she recalls. "And I dyed my hair black. When we were dating, Nick wanted me to get highlights -- and so I did that, and I got myself looking great. And then, on the day we broke up, I was, like, I want to make my hair black now -- I don't want to look pretty; I want to look hard-core."
Continues Miley, seemingly without a breath, "I was rebelling against everything Nick wanted me to be. And then I was, like, I've got to be by myself for now, and just figure out who I really am."
And while Jonas is now rumored to be dating Selena Gomez (more on that below), who's widely touted as Miley's successor to the squeaky-clean Disney teen queen throne, she believes their paths may once again cross.
"Maybe he'll be my best friend for the rest of my life," she daydreams, "or maybe I'll end up marrying Nick Jonas!"
These days, however, Billy Ray's little girl is happy to fly solo.
"Since [the split], I've realized that I've met so many great guys, but I like being the girl nobody can have," babbles Miley. "No one can touch me, no one's mine. I'm myself. I think it's sexy to do your own thing."
(Anyone else uncomfortable with the word "sexy" being tossed around by a 15-year-old? Thought so.)
As for Nick, he remains coy about his supposed coziness with Selena, who appears in the Jonas Brothers' "Burnin' Up" video.
"Well, she's an amazing girl, and anybody would be lucky to be dating her," he bobbed and weaved during a chat with Ryan Seacrest on Tuesday.
When Ryan asked for more info, Jonas again deflected, saying, "Well, like I said, anybody would be lucky to be dating her. ... I think she is a part of our music video, and that is why all the rumors started. But yeah, she's a cool girl."
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